We used to be great ambassadors for foster care, really we did. 8 years ago, in the early days, with two biological children of our own we jumped into the world of foster care by taking one extra child. And then there we were with three kids.
And people would see us, and if they knew how our life had changed, they would say, “Oh! That’s foster care? That looks so normal!”
And it was “normal”, for a while. That one extra became three extras very quickly, 4 kids under the age of 3. And people said, “Wow! That’s busy!”
5 kids became 4 and soon we were back to 3. Always another adventure was waiting for us, always another child or two out there who needed someplace stable to land for a few days.
We would look around and notice families with 5 biological kids and we would say, “See? We aren’t so weird.”
And people would see us and know that though we really were weird, but we weren’t full on crazy. Not yet.
Those early days of foster care were beautiful and scary and messy and wonderful, full of new challenges and adventures for our family. In those days I think people would look at us and say, “I could do that.”
But then we added bedrooms to give kids a little more space, and do you know what happened? We filled that extra space. We bought a bigger vehicle, and it’s amazing, but somehow all those empty seats filled themselves too.
Do you know what we learned through all of that? We learned that the need in our community is SO great. And our homes are SO few.
What does it look like to be a foster home in a community with not enough foster homes?
It looks like pulling up to church in our 15 passenger van. 10 kids and 2 adults get out.
It looks like 8 kids at home, with our new baby about to be born in 3 weeks, and our agency calling to ask if we could fit just one more baby. “How many cribs do you have?” They ask.
It looks like mouths open, disbelieving stares from strangers in public when they see us coming. I know, it’s a lot of kids. We would stick out like a sore thumb even if we all had the same color skin.
It looks like hiring multiple babysitters for a night away, because you’ve exceeded what yours can handle.
It looks like 3 different caseworkers coming over monthly for visits, 3 separate court dates to keep up with all the different cases.
It looks like hearing your agency’s pleas for help with new emergency placements, and wishing you could help but you are already full.
It looks like bunk beds. Lots of bunk beds.
It looks like really long grocery store receipts.
You don’t even want to know what it looks like to travel or go camping.
But through it all, and despite how it looks – it works!
It has to.
Because it also looks like kids bouncing between 5 different foster homes in their first two weeks in care, because the agency can only find short term placements for a day or two at a time.
It looks like siblings being split from each other in foster care, because there aren’t any homes who can take them together.
If there is one thing we’ve learned through all this, it is that there are too few of us. Too many kids needing care, not enough homes to take them in.